New Year's Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions are a tricky thing. They can be lofty and grand, and at the same time they can quickly go by the wayside. It can be defeating to see our goals collapse, especially after only a few weeks (as those New Year’s resolutions typically do). So instead of setting goals for ourselves that are likely to not be met, or at least not to the extent that we wished, why not focus on a couple of other things? Specifically, being intentional about fortifying our relationships with our children and finding healthy ways to make life’s moments feel manageable. If we as parents put our energy toward these two aspirations, the returns across the year will be substantial. 

Here are a few ways to see these “goals” come to fruition. In terms of building our relationships with our kids, the keys are listening and demonstrating empathy. So the intention regarding our children should be to lead with empathy and to pause to really listen. This goes against the parenting grain at times, particularly with regard to listening. So often we want to jump in with advice, life lessons, cautionary tales, and the list goes on. But often what our kids need is a safe place to land and to be heard and known. 

And how about making life’s moments more manageable? Life feels as if it moves at the speed of light, with its never-ending to-do lists and stressors. One way to make things feel more manageable and less stressful is to make room for small peaceful stretches of time each day, which is easier said than done. It might be something as simple as being determined to enjoy a hot cup of green tea or taking a 5-minute walk up and down the street. Whatever small and seemingly insignificant action it is, we need to deliberately take those moments when and where we can because the effects of doing so add up. Secondly, we can approach situations with less reactivity and more curiosity. Again, this is easier said than done and requires the will to actually do it. Practice the power of the pause – notice how you are feeling in the moment, take a slow, deep breath, and approach stressful moments with a greater sense of curiosity about how to best respond. Remind yourself that you want to respond effectively versus react. None of us can do this all the time; it’s simply not human nature. But with awareness and being intentional, we can all increase the likelihood that we will do so.