Learn From Failure
Fear of Failure
The word “failure” is defined as a lack of success. This can be a lack of success in any endeavor. It simply means that something did not go as planned or imagined. The word alone can trigger thoughts that evoke powerful feelings of pain, shame, and regret. The fear of failure can be paralyzing; it can keep us from starting projects, making decisions, or taking risks. It can prevent us from actively engaging in the world in ways in which we might like. But why? What if we could remove the judgement from our analysis of our failures and, instead, see them through a positive lens that would allow us to recognize and receive the gifts that can come from failure.
Parenting Through Failure
As parents, it can be so difficult to see our children suffer. It can feel natural to want to protect them from failure of any kind. They are often under a great deal of pressure to succeed academically, athletically, socially, and professionally. We don’t want them to be left behind. Some failure, however big or small, is inevitable. We just are not perfect beings. We are learning, growing, and evolving every day.
Failure as a Teacher
Failure can be a wonderful teacher. James Joyce once referred to man’s errors as “portals of discovery.” By navigating their way through the problem-solving process, individuals gain a sense of ownership and confidence. Through our failures, we learn about ourselves and our world, gain clarity about our strengths, weaknesses, values, goals, priorities, and motivation. It is through our failures that we can build strength, resilience, and confidence as we prove to ourselves that we have the ability to climb over or around obstacles that stand in front of us. Failure provides us the opportunity to take a moment to stop, breathe, and then move forward. Failure is not a destination, and it does not define us. When viewed and accepted as a challenge, it is an opportunity for growth.
Kintsugi is a Japanese art form in which broken pieces of pottery are put back together with gold. Rather than attempting to hide the flaws with clear glue, the imperfections are incorporated into the history of the piece and beautifully illuminated. In embracing and highlighting the “scars,” something stronger and even more beautiful is created. The cracks and repairs are viewed simply as an event in the life of an object, an acceptance of change as an aspect of human life.
Life is a Journey
Life is a journey. It can be messy, painful, joyful, complicated, exhausting, exhilarating, and beautiful. It is a tapestry sewn with threads of joy, pain, sorrow, love, grief, success, achievement, loss, connection, and even failure. It doesn’t always end of up looking the way we originally imagined it would. Our ability to adapt and not only go with the flow, but grow with the flow, is crucial.
Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “The greatest glory in living lies not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.” Life will happen. We will make mistakes, some of which are not in our control, and some that are. The one thing that is in our control is how we choose to respond. If we can look at our missteps, our detours, and our failures, and critique them without criticism, we can determine what we want to make of them. We can incorporate them into our beings with wisdom, as wise teachers, and we can continue to weave the beautiful tapestries of our lives.
How The Mind Spot Can Help
The Mind Spot can offer strategies for managing failure for teens and young adults. Make an appointment with Rosalyn deTranaltes or one of our counselors today. Meet Our Counselors